Tuesday, September 2, 2014 11:42pm CST

The Great Cycle Is Coming!

December 9 2012 by Kerry Kobashi

Mayan calendar
Do the Mayans know something we don't? December 21, 2012 is coming and some say its going to change the way we live.

Do The Math!

According to the ancient Mayan long calendar (and weirdos who like to do math), a Great Cycle will be completed.

"Whats a Great Cycle?", you ask
A Great Cycle consists of 13 Baktuns which equates to 5,126 years.

"And WTF is a Baktun?"
Well, its 20 katun cycles of 144,000 days.

"What's a Katun?"
Do the math!

Welcome Great Pumpkin, er Great Cycle!

Linus and The Great Pumpkin

So anyway, with all the math and ancient calendar voodoo, Mayan researchers and historians have all come to agree that the next Great Cycle begins December 21, 2012.

"Oh my Mayan God! (OMMG in Internet speak) That's like, tomorrow!", you scream.
"Should I be hiding under my couch?"

Depends on if you see a glass half empty or half full. Let me continue.

Out in Yucatan, Mexico lies the great Mayan Pyramid of Kukulkan. The pyramid symbolizes a calendar constructed with four stairways on each side. Each stairway has ninety one steps that lead to the final destination at the top. Doing the math (4 x 91 + 1) it all adds up to 365 days.

This should ring a bell.

Kukulkan pyramid

Don't Piss Off The Mayans

This Thursday in Mexico City, the surviving Mayans arrived (there's an estimated 800,000 of them in existence) and they were really really pissed . They were angry that they couldn't hold their bong fires and perform celebratory rituals on the ancient Mayan sites. Seems that the Mexican government won't let them, as they cite health and safety issues due to the potentially large crowds that would be expected to appear. They were were also worried that the rush of people onto the ancient grounds would damage existing structure.

Oh oh. Do you see a piss fest brewing? I do! One thing you don't do is piss off the Mayans!

These are the people who will summon the heathens like a burning hell upon your burritos and guacamole dip. On a visit to Mexico City a few years ago, I had a chance to visit some of the famous pyramids. I remember hearing stories from the tour guides that the Mayans would cut off people's heads and let them roll down the bloody soaked steps of the pyramid as a sacrifice to the Gods.

No no no Mexican government! Bad move! Do not get them angry!

The Simpons Mayan episode

Let them get naked and ritualize on their sacred ground which has turned into a tourist trap.

It's their right. It's their pyramids. If the pyramid comes crumbling down from the weight of 800,000 holding a party at the tippy top of the pyramid, its their fault.

Forget trying to save the tourist industry. Let them be!

This is a once in a lifetime civilization event that should be broadcast worldwide like a Shakira concert.

Then again, I'll probably be watching re-runs of The Simpsons.

Peace pipe out!

About Kerry Kobashi

Kerry Kobashi picture

Kerry is the founder of KerryOnWorld. He lives in Silicon Valley.